Up in Arms: Do You Have Anger Management Issues?
Just like sadness, happiness, or joy, anger is a normal feeling. It can start as a slight feeling of irritation, but it can also turn into rage, leading to physical violence, which can harm you and your loved ones.
In the next sections, we explore this topic in detail and discuss when you should seek therapy, and when your anger issues can be easily controlled with self-care techniques.
Do I Have Anger Issues?
Anger is rather a spectrum of feelings than a tightly defined term. It can be either a mild feeling of irritation or intense rage and fury aimed at something or someone. When you are angry, your heart rate increases and your body produces more stress hormones, like adrenaline.
Anger issues start to appear when you can no longer control this emotion. For instance, if you get angry over small problems, and your intense emotions make you do dangerous things, hurt yourself or others, then you end up regretting them. Unfortunately, uncontrolled anger means that you can easily harm others, either verbally or physically.
There are different types of anger. For instance, some people experience anger towards themselves, not something external. This is often associated with depression, as depression can make you punish yourself. Some people may go to an extent of denying themselves basic necessities, such as food or water when experiencing inward anger.
Outward anger means that your feelings are aimed at someone or something else, whether it be your partner, coworker, or others. In this case, anger issues mean that you cannot control yourself, and you often end up shouting, breaking things, and adopting other types of destructive behavior.
Finally, some people do not demonstrate violent behavior when they are angry. They adopt the “silent treatment” approach, use sarcasm, or humiliate others. This is a passive-aggressive behavior caused by passive anger issues.
Signs of Anger Issues
As we’ve mentioned above, feeling angry is perfectly normal. However, if this feeling is too difficult to control, or you start to notice some of the things below, you may have anger issues:
- Feeling that your anger and behavior are uncontrollable;
- Regretting what you said or did when you were angry;
- Feeling angry too often;
- Hurting yourself or others (verbally, emotionally, or physically);
- Getting angry over small or insignificant things.
How to Release Anger
There are many ways to control your anger. Depending on your unique situation, you can use some of the techniques below to relax and find peace when you feel anger bubbling up.
Anger Management Exercises
One of the first steps you need to take is to improve your response when you are in the heat of the moment. When you get angry, you should try to:
- Take a small break to clear your mind;
- Try to assess the situation objectively — is it as bad as it seems?
- Consider several things you could do in this situation, or think of several solutions to the issue that makes you angry;
- Encourage the other person (if applicable) to do the same;
- Once you can think clearly and find several solutions, express your mind using words that do not hurt others.
It’s important to keep in mind that anger never solves any of our problems. If anything, it makes it worse and more difficult to find the right solutions. Thus, taking a few moments to calm down will help you overcome the hurdle.
On a similar note, being verbally or physically aggressive towards a person that made us feel angry will not help solve the issue. Most likely, it will only make the other person become defensive, angry, and react similarly.
It’s also important to pay attention to the way you perceive problems. For instance, if your spouse finishes their meal, gets up from the table, and never cleans up after themselves, you may find this infuriating, especially after a long, hard day at work. In this situation, we are tempted to say to them something like “You never do anything around the house,” or use more hurtful, generalizing statements.
To avoid escalating the situation or causing pain, focus on making “I” statements. For instance, “I would appreciate it if you could help me clean the table.”
Besides, people who hold grudges or bottle up their anger on a frequent basis may find themselves feeling angrier and angrier until they cannot hold up anymore. If you are in this situation, it’s better to communicate with people in your life and solve these issues by discussing, rather than ignoring the situation until it can no longer be controlled. Forgiving yourself or someone else goes a long way and helps us live a better, more peaceful life.
Another powerful tool to defuse a tense situation is to use humor. A little joke may make everyone smile and realize that the situation is not so bad, after all. However, make sure that you don’t turn the joke into sarcasm which may hurt the other person’s feelings.
However, what can you do if the situation is really bad and nothing comes to your mind at the moment? If you cannot think clearly, take a step back. Go for a walk, take five minutes to control your breath, and eliminate the negative thoughts in your mind. To calm down, you may think about someone you love or remember beautiful moments from your life, like a trip you enjoyed, that time when you got a promotion at work, or that moment with your best friend when you laughed so much that you couldn’t breathe anymore.
Summary
Anger is a complex feeling, and sometimes we need a little help to get back our self-control. Make sure to stick with a healthy lifestyle, stay active, and try to find the good things in any situation. Friends and family can be excellent advisors when we need help, and we should use communication to express both our good and bad feelings, especially when others can help us out.
If you go through a difficult situation, you may find yourself getting angry over small things. If you cannot overcome such feelings, anger management therapy can help you navigate these moments and learn how to deal with anger. If you think your anger issues are out of control, seeking professional help and opting for anger management therapy will help you deal with these feelings — you are not alone!
Although in-person therapy might be too time-consuming, online therapy platforms like Calmerry allow you to get the necessary help from virtually anywhere. You can learn more about the benefits of therapy to prepare for your first session.